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Saturday, November 23, 2013

Dr. Creed: Unrespiratory ailments treatable with B2 agents

Warning: What follows is top secret information surreptitiously leaked to me via one of the nations elite pulmonologists from an elite teaching hospital. Read at your own risk. This is not edited, yet explains the reason for needless bronchodilator for patients with no respiratory disorders.

Section B8
We have listed previously the unresiratory ailments that are cured by B2 agonist therapy.  Here to for are the nonpulmonary disorders treatable with B2 agonists.  Yes, there is a difference between unrespiratory and nonpulmonary.

1.  Nonrespiratory: These are pathological dysfunctions whereby physicians know that symptoms observed are caused by changes within the body. 

2.  Unrespiratory: These are mytholocigal dysfunctions whereby physicians assume that the symptoms observed are caused by way of some theory concocted by Galen, a famous physician form the 2nd century A.D.  

Nonrespiratory disorders can be found on page 87 of this Creed.  
The following are unrespiratory disorders that are treatable with b2 agonists (bronchodilators, sympathomimetic, rescue medicine)

1.  Spleen/ melancholia (now known as depression): Occurs when the spleen secretes too much black bile, resulting in an imbalance of black bile in the body. Ventolin has been proven to induce the kidneys to secrete excess yellow bile, in order to maintain homeostasis of the four humors: black bile, yellow bile, phlegm, and blood. Speenobuterol works quite well.  

2.  Cold disease:  It's the converse of heat, a condition that often arises which visibly involves the extremities so that these, having necrosed, also falloff.  This is caused by the abstraction of too much blood during venesection, which was a treatment for many diseases.  It was also caused by a natural diminution of blood from the body by inexplicable means. It may also be caused by traveling long distances in the cold, and for those unable to find warm lodging during frozen weather. The condition may also occur with apoplexy (stroke symptoms), epilepsy, tremor, and spasm.  If the limbs do not fall off, or if the patient does not expire due to the initial recourse of this ailment, the victim becomes susceptible to the dark magic of the witches and wizards.  When copious supplies of extract of ventolin are in the blood stream, this creates an invisible vector field that protects the victim from the powers of dark magic. The vector stream likewise creates a negative pressure that sucks the dark magic from the body that is already floating in the bloodstream, thus nibbling and gnawing at extremity tissue.

3.  Venomous bites:  Black venom of snakus enomotous causes all humours to become dimunitive, thus making it difficult to sustain life.  Remedy postulated by Galen, among others, was similar to that of medicine men of the ancient world, and consisted of a second person placing his mouth around the bite and sucking out the venom. In 1992 a study was done by giving breathing treatments to said patients.  Following ventolin therapy many patients eventually got better and were discharged to home, and the theory postulated was that the ventolin acts as a fertilizer for the humours, allowing them to grow in to full and flourishing humours.  The medicine is called Galeonuterol

4.  Ailments of the eyes: Galen was very concerned with diseases of the eyes, such as glaucoma, which he considered the most common cause of blindness.  He offered a variety of herbal remedies to increase flow of vital spirit to the eyes in order to improve vision. While the methodology remains a mystery, retitobuterol is believed to likewise increase flow of vital spirit to the eyes to improve vision.  

5.  Ailments of reproductive organs: The testicles performed the job of heating the blood.  Since ventolin has the same powers of diminishing the blood supply and cooling the body as venesection, testiculobuterol is likewise believed to cool the body by slowing the heating properties of the testicles. The exact methodology this occurs remains a mystery.  

6.  Ailments of psyche: Psyche was considered the same as the soul, or the seat of consciousness.  It was housed in cerebrospinal fluid, the pneuma.  The pneuma is the substance in the air that contained the vital spirit, the substance necessary for life.  It traveled from the lungs to the heart where it was transferred from the veins to the arteries by pores between the right heart and left heart.  From their, arteries carried it to the ventricles of the brain. Symptoms of ailments of the psyche include delerium, psychosis, insomnia, anxiety, spleen (depression). Remedies that would purge the noxious humours affecting the brain and causing melancholic depression or psychosis ought to cure those disorders, though Galen.  Such remedies would be anything that diminished the supply of black bile in the blood. Speenobuterol works for well if the problem is limited to spleen, although of other disorders of psyche, Pneumobuterol Vital Spirit (Pneumobuterol VS) increases flow of vital spirit to through the body.  It has also been proven to act as a magnet to attract good pneuma to the body (which acts as an air purifier of sorts). 

7.  Fever:  Galen described fever as a disease entity of its own, as opposed to a symptom of many diseases. Fever causes a "burning heat" that causes insomnia, rapid heart beat, difficult digestion, rapid breathing, tension in the body, tremors, confusion, malaise, chills, vomiting, delirium, and lethargy. It is caused by the overabundance of flesh causing an increase in the humour blood.  Since blood is associated with heat of the body, an abundance of blood causes a fever.  A prolonged fever may cause the disease epilepsy or seizure. Since fever was an accumulation of blood, the obvious treatment was venesection, which was the letting of blood from a vein.  Venesectuterol works similarly, as it attaches to blood cells and directs them to the respiratory tract, where they are extricated through the bowel.  Note:  May increase blood in stool, and trick some physicians into thinking there is a GI Bleed. 

8.  Appoplexy: It's now called a stroke.  Galen defined it as a palsy (paralysis) of the whole body, followed by impairment of its leading functions.  It could also be palsy of a particular part of the body, such as an arm, let, face (cerebral palsy)or organ (cardiopalsy results in death). A victim may or may not maintain a level of consciousness, although appoplexy has a high mortality. Galen believed this was caused by something being inhaled that prevents the vital spirit (a substance in the air vital to life) from being transported form the arteries to the brain, thus impairing the nerves.  Modern physicians have learned that Appoplexolin enters the blood and assists the vital spirit cross the blood brain barrier into the brain.  It speeds up healing of stroke symptoms. 

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