Introducing: The Amazing telekinoscope

So, how is it doctors and nurses can get away with making the clear and indecisive decision that a patient must have a bronchodilator when they don't even remove the stethoscope from their shoulders.

Please note that the links referred to in the ad are no longer valid, as the ad was featured in RN and DR. magazines between Oct. 29, 2000 and April 1, 2006, and on Internet websites during this same period. While the product is still available, more surreptitious methods of distributing it are also available (like Secret physician websites that require a password and don't allow pesky RTs who need to stay in the dark about wonderful products like this).

So here, for the first time ever, and approved by the sagacious Jane Sage RRT, I present this ad on an RT web page where RTs can actually see this state-of-the-art product.

The Amazing -- NO HANDS NEEDED -- Telekinoscope

ARE YOU TIRED OF WASTING YOUR ENERGY LIFTING THAT HEAVY STETHOSCOPE?

ARE YOU TIRED OF RISKING YOUR HEALTH COMING IN CONTACT WITH INFECTED AND GROSS PATIENTS?

ARE YOU TIRED OF GETTING OUT OF BED AT 2 IN THE MORNING?

NOW, THANKS TO THE NEWLY PATENTED TELEKINOSCOPE YOU CAN JUST STAY PUT, AND USE NO MORE ENERGY THAN IT TAKES TO GIVE THE ORDER, "I WANT RT TO GIVE A VENTOLIN TREATMENT."

YOU MIGHT BE ASKING: "CAN IT REALLY BE THAT EASY?"

"YES IT CAN!" SAID DR. AL BUTEROL, THE INVENTOR OF THE TELEKINOSCOPE. "LIKE YOU, I QUICKLY GREW TIRED OF WASTING MY TIME AND ENERGY TOUCHING PATIENTS. NOW, WITH MY AMAZING TELEKINSCOPE, ALL I HAVE TO DO IS JUST STAND BY THE DOOR, LOOK COOL, AND GIVE ORDERS. RTS SAY I'M LAZY, BUT WHO THE HELL CARE'S WHAT THEY THINK. "

THAT'S RIGHT, DOCS! THIS PRODUCT HAS BEEN TESTED, AND IT'S GUARANTEED TO WARD OFF EFFORT AND WORK.

NO MORE WILL YOU NEED TO EXCRETE ENERGY TO ASSESS LUNGS.

NO MORE WILL YOU HAVE TO TOUCH GROSS, INFECTED PATIENTS

NO MORE WILL YOU HAVE TO GET OUT OF BED.

ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS PLACE DR. BUTEROL'S STETHESCOPE INNOCULOUSLY OVER YOUR SHOULDERS AND YOU WILL PICK UP RADIO VIBRATIONS THAT LET YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON IN THE PATIENT'S LUNGS.

THEN, WHETHER IT'S CHF, PNEUMONIA, PNEUMO, PLEURAL EFFUSION, CROUP, OR SOME DISEASE YOU JUST MAKE UP, ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS STAND BY THE DOOR, LOOK COOL, AND SHOUT AN ORDER FOR THE BRONCHODILATOR OF YOUR CHOICE.

ORDER ON-LINE AT WWW.TELEKINOSCOPE.ORG AND FOLLOW THE EASY STEPS TO NOT LISTENING TO LUNG SOUNDS.

CHECK OUT OUR SATISFIED PROVIDER'S TESTIMONIALS BY CLICKING HERE!

DISCLAIMER: NOT ALL RESULTS ARE TYPICAL AND MAY VARY FROM CAREGIVER TO CAREGIVER!

The neat thing about this product is it looks eerily similar to a normal stethescope. If you aren't vigilant, or privy to such sureptitious wisdom as we now are, you may never be able to tell the difference.

New Product: The Grumpometer

As any nurse or respiratory therapist will attest to, sometimes it's simply best to stay away from certain doctors or RT Bosses at certain times, or perhaps, if you must speak up for the benefit of a patient, it's best to be pithy and keep your mouth shut when spoken to in order to avoid controversy.

In other words, some people are hard to work with. That said, wouldn't it be nice to know if someone is approachable or whether they simply look grumpy and are actually in a normal mood. From the makers of the Amazing Wheezoscope we now have the Amazing Grumposcope.

The Wheezoscope, as you may remember, is a stethoscope produced by the Littman company a few years back that is pre-programmed to hear wheezes. The grumposcope is a stethescope made for both RNs and RTs that allows them to know whether other members of the medical field are approachable. And, yes RNs and doctors, it can be added to the wheezoscope because sometimes even RTs are grumpy.

Please note that the links referred to in the ad are no longer valid, as the ad was featured in RN
and doctor magazines between Oct. 19, 1997 and May 6, 2002, and on Internet websites during this same period.

So here, for the first time ever, and approved by the sagacious Jane Sage RRT, I present this ad on an RT web page where RTs can actually see this state-of-the-art product.

GRR....... GRR...... GRUMPOSCOPE

ATTENTION PHYSICIANS, RESPIRATORY THERAPISTS AND NURSES: THE MAKERS OF THE AMAZING WHEEZOSCOPE THAT HAS QUALIFIED SO MANY PATIENTS FOR INHOUSE STAYS (AND HAS HELPED PRODUCE BILLIONS OF DOLLARS FOR DOCTORS AND HOSPITALS ALL OVER THE U.S.) HAVE INVENTED A NEW PRODUCT CALLED THE AMAZING GRUMPOSCOPE.

NO LONGER WILL YOU HAVE TO RISK APPROACHING THE UNAPPROACHABLE, AS THIS AMAZING PRODUCT HAS A CHIP IN IT THAT AUTOMATICALLY ALERTS YOU BY A MYSTERIOUS OSMOSIS METHOD OF ALL GRUMPS. IT KIND OF WORKS THE SAME WAY AS VENTOLIN WHEN IT CROSSES INTO THE BLOOD STREAM AND EASES PATIENT AND NURSE SUFFERING.

SO, YOU DON'T WANT TO SAY SOMETHING THAT MIGHT OFFEND A COWORKER OR DOCTOR. JUST PLUG THE GRUMPOSCOPE INTO YOUR EARS AND YOU WILL INSTANTLY "JUST KNOW" WHO IS GRUMPY.

(IF IT SEEMS NOTHING IS HAPPENING, THIS IS NORMAL.)

GOSH, WOULDN'T IT BE NICE TO KNOW IF THAT DOCTOR STANDING OVER BY THE NURSES STATION IS GRUMPY? NOW YOU CAN KNOW FOR SURE WITH THE AMAZING GRUMPOSCOPE (PATENT PENDING).

ARE YOUR COHORTS GRUMPY OR JUST LOOK GRUMPY? WHEN YOUR PRIDE IS ON THE LINE DON'T TAKE THE CHANCE. DON'T GUESS. KNOW!!!

UTILIZATION REVIEW APPROVED!

ORDER ON-LINE AT WWW.WHEEZOSCOPE.ORG AND FOLLOW THE EASY STEPS TO FINANCIAL SECURITY AND A STRESS FREE WORKDAY FOR YOU AND YOUR FACILITY.

CHECK OUT OUR SATISFIED PROVIDER'S TESTIMONIALS BY CLICKING HERE!

DISCLAIMER: NOT ALL RESULTS ARE TYPICAL AND MAY VARY FROM CAREGIVER TO CAREGIVER!

The neat thing about this product is it looks eerily similar to a normal stethoscope. If you aren't vigilant, you may never be able to tell the difference.

Introducing: The Amazing Wheezoscope

I promised you guys I would post on this blog an ad I found for the Amazing Wheezoscope.

Yes, my RT friends, this is a stethoscope produced by the Liteman company a few years back that is pre-programmed to hear wheezes.

Please note that the links referred to in the ad are no longer valid, as the ad was featured in RN and DR. magazines between Oct. 19, 1995 and May 2, 2001, and on Internet websites during this same period.

While the product is still available, more surreptitious methods of distributing it are also available (like Secret physician websites that require a password and don't allow pesky RTs who need to stay in the dark about wonderful products like this).

So here, for the first time ever, and approved by the sagacious Jane Sage RRT, I present this ad on an RT web page where RTs can actually see this state-of-the-art product.

WHEE....... WHEE...... WHEEZOSCOPE

PHYSICIANS, NOW YOU CAN QUALIFY YOUR PATIENTS TO THE EXTRA DAYS NEEDED IN YOUR ACUTE CARE FACILITY!

THAT'S RIGHT! YOUR PATIENT'S STAY IN THE HOSPITAL CAN BE EXTENDED WITH THE BLESSINGS OF MEDICARE, MEDICAID, AND EVEN THE BLUES!

UTILIZATION REVIEW APPROVED!

WITH THE PURCHASE OF OUR NEW PRE-PROGRAMMED WHEEZOSCOPE (PATENT STILL PENDING), YOU ARE ABLE TO DOCUMENT WHEEZES AND THE RESULTANT NEED FOR BRONCHODILATOR THERAPY, THE MAGIC FORMULA FOR EXTENDED APPROVED STAYS FOR YOUR PATIENTS IN NEED!

REMEMBER, THIS IS NOT FRAUDULENT CHARTING, THIS IS JUST "DOING IT RIGHT!"

ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS LISTEN, DOCUMENT AND ORDER YOUR FAVORITE MEDICATED AEROSOL DELIVERY AT A FREQUENCY OF TID OR GREATER AND YOU WILL HAVE THE REIMBURSEMENT YOU NEED AND WANT.

ORDER ON-LINE AT WWW.WHEEZOSCOPE.ORG AND FOLLOW THE EASY STEPS TO FINANCIAL SECURITY FOR YOU AND YOUR FACILITY.

CHECK OUT OUR SATISFIED PROVIDER'S TESTIMONIALS BY CLICKING HERE!

DISCLAIMER: NOT ALL RESULTS ARE TYPICAL AND MAY VARY FROM CAREGIVER TO CAREGIVER!

The neat thing about this product is it looks eerily similar to a normal stethoscope. If you aren't vigilant, you may never be able to tell the difference.

The Wheezoscopes are abonding

I discovered something really neat at work the other day. It's so obvious I'm surprised no RT ever thought of it before: that doctors and RNs have Wheezoscopses -- stethoscopes pre-programmed to hear wheezes.

I have actually come upon a frivolous ad for the darn product. I will share it with you in a few days if it ever slows down here at work. The wheezoscopes have been in full action around these parts.

I hope everyone has a great Sunday. I will be sleeping sound today, letting the blood flow back into my feet -- all thanks to those wheezoscopes.