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Saturday, June 15, 2013

DR. Creed: RTs now required to do gun cessation program?

What follows is what will be added to the new addition to the Real Physician's Creed: How to take care of Pesky RTs. Again, this is TOP SECRET information for physician use only, and was never intended to be released among the RT community.

My source for this TOP SECRET information will be kept anonymous, because if his peers find out he is the leak, he will be banned from the medical community at best, or ridiculed at worse. 

Page 10,350

Appendix 9

Physician's Creed: RTs now required to do gun cessation program

So Obama just made the following executive order:
 "Preserve the rights of health care providers --" i.e., doctors "-- to protect their patients and communities from gun violence.  We should never ask doctors and other health care providers to turn a blind eye to the risks posed by guns in the wrong hands.  Doctors and other mental health professionals play an important role in protecting the safety of their patients and the broader community by reporting direct and credible threats of violence to the authorities." 
Now, we already know that doctors have enough responsibilities.  They are the experts in fixing people.  They excel in areas that you and I could only imagine.  Yet we also know they are burdened the following:
  • Threat of lawsuit
  • Threat of not being paid if a patient doesn't meet criteria for hospital admission
  • Threat of not being paid if the wrong diagnosis is made (by wrong here I mean a diagnosis that is not reimbursable, such as Asthma, Pneumonia, COPD and Diabetes are)
Consider the following:
  • Threat of lawsuit has forced doctors to to order every test under the book for even simple ailments, such as common colds and flu.  You come in with a sniffle and you end up with an anal check and an MRI
  • Threat of not meeting criteria likewise results in patients getting stuff they don't need, like a breathing treatment, IV, Q2 neuro checks, Q4 hour anal exams.  This also results in every patient getting smoking cessation, and Lord knows most people don't smoke.
  • Threat of making the wrong diagnosis has resulted in every patient getting diagnosed with pneumonia, flu, diabetes, COPD and asthma, and this has falsely spiked the asthma pneumonia rates 
So now we want to add to this that doctors have to ask the person who comes in with a cold if he has a gun under his pillow, and who has access to it.  Consider the following example:  Patient comes in with a cold.  Patient is diagnosed with a cold (after getting 2 anal exams and a spinal tap to rule out GI bleed and stupidity).  The patient goes home and shoots his mother. 

Now, due to Obama's executive order, that doctor is liable. So, just like the smoking cessation on every patient, now the hospital is going to create an order set that requires that every patient receive gun cessation education.

And, since respiratory therapists have nothing better to do, respiratory therapists will be required to do this.  Yes, a gun in the lungs can cause a trauma that an RT will have to be present at.

Yes, consider the following sceneria (perhaps you saw this on Facebook):

Doctor:  Tommy, does your daddy have a gun in the house? What kind of gun is it? Where does he keep it? Does it make you feel scared? Does your daddy ever drink beer? How do you feel about your daddy's mental health?

That will be our job.  I don't have a problem talking to parents about gun safety, but this is a bit frivolous.  


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