Introducing: The Amazing telekinoscope

So, how is it doctors and nurses can get away with making the clear and indecisive decision that a patient must have a bronchodilator when they don't even remove the stethoscope from their shoulders.

Please note that the links referred to in the ad are no longer valid, as the ad was featured in RN and DR. magazines between Oct. 29, 2000 and April 1, 2006, and on Internet websites during this same period. While the product is still available, more surreptitious methods of distributing it are also available (like Secret physician websites that require a password and don't allow pesky RTs who need to stay in the dark about wonderful products like this).

So here, for the first time ever, and approved by the sagacious Jane Sage RRT, I present this ad on an RT web page where RTs can actually see this state-of-the-art product.

The Amazing -- NO HANDS NEEDED -- Telekinoscope

ARE YOU TIRED OF WASTING YOUR ENERGY LIFTING THAT HEAVY STETHOSCOPE?

ARE YOU TIRED OF RISKING YOUR HEALTH COMING IN CONTACT WITH INFECTED AND GROSS PATIENTS?

ARE YOU TIRED OF GETTING OUT OF BED AT 2 IN THE MORNING?

NOW, THANKS TO THE NEWLY PATENTED TELEKINOSCOPE YOU CAN JUST STAY PUT, AND USE NO MORE ENERGY THAN IT TAKES TO GIVE THE ORDER, "I WANT RT TO GIVE A VENTOLIN TREATMENT."

YOU MIGHT BE ASKING: "CAN IT REALLY BE THAT EASY?"

"YES IT CAN!" SAID DR. AL BUTEROL, THE INVENTOR OF THE TELEKINOSCOPE. "LIKE YOU, I QUICKLY GREW TIRED OF WASTING MY TIME AND ENERGY TOUCHING PATIENTS. NOW, WITH MY AMAZING TELEKINSCOPE, ALL I HAVE TO DO IS JUST STAND BY THE DOOR, LOOK COOL, AND GIVE ORDERS. RTS SAY I'M LAZY, BUT WHO THE HELL CARE'S WHAT THEY THINK. "

THAT'S RIGHT, DOCS! THIS PRODUCT HAS BEEN TESTED, AND IT'S GUARANTEED TO WARD OFF EFFORT AND WORK.

NO MORE WILL YOU NEED TO EXCRETE ENERGY TO ASSESS LUNGS.

NO MORE WILL YOU HAVE TO TOUCH GROSS, INFECTED PATIENTS

NO MORE WILL YOU HAVE TO GET OUT OF BED.

ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS PLACE DR. BUTEROL'S STETHESCOPE INNOCULOUSLY OVER YOUR SHOULDERS AND YOU WILL PICK UP RADIO VIBRATIONS THAT LET YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON IN THE PATIENT'S LUNGS.

THEN, WHETHER IT'S CHF, PNEUMONIA, PNEUMO, PLEURAL EFFUSION, CROUP, OR SOME DISEASE YOU JUST MAKE UP, ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS STAND BY THE DOOR, LOOK COOL, AND SHOUT AN ORDER FOR THE BRONCHODILATOR OF YOUR CHOICE.

ORDER ON-LINE AT WWW.TELEKINOSCOPE.ORG AND FOLLOW THE EASY STEPS TO NOT LISTENING TO LUNG SOUNDS.

CHECK OUT OUR SATISFIED PROVIDER'S TESTIMONIALS BY CLICKING HERE!

DISCLAIMER: NOT ALL RESULTS ARE TYPICAL AND MAY VARY FROM CAREGIVER TO CAREGIVER!

The neat thing about this product is it looks eerily similar to a normal stethescope. If you aren't vigilant, or privy to such sureptitious wisdom as we now are, you may never be able to tell the difference.