Instant Pneumonia: An Illness Doctors Just Made Up

The following is an update to the Real Doctor's Creed. We have come upon this top secret (shared only with the medical community) information. We will continue to share these as we gain access to them. At the present time we have several spies in the medical community, making it possible to publish the Creed right here on the RT Cave. 

Doctor's Creed: Update 10/1/2022

Add the following to the pneumonia section of your booklets. Please do not publish online, as we do not want respiratory therapists to have an opportunity to hack into our esoteric wisdom. 

So, we know what pneumonia is. It is a condition caused by a virus or (usually) a bacteria. Walls of alveoli become inflamed. And this causes puss and fluid to fill alveoli. This renders the affected air exchange units less effective. And a may result here is soreness (especially with a deep breath), shortness of breath, and lowered oxygen levels. And, if severe and untreated, potential death. 

Now there is a new type of pneumonia. And it results from aspirating large doses of stomach contents. It is generally not caused by aspirating small amounts of stomach contents over time, as that would be diagnosed as GERD. But, if you aspirate large amounts of stomach contents (such as due to a drug overdose), then this is referred to as aspiration. 

A new study, one never performed by the fake left leaning scientific community, has now determined that aspiration INSTANTLY results in pneumonia. And this would help explain why we doctors are now able to diagnose patients with "Aspiration Pneumonia" instantly following aspiration. 

Respiratory therapists have often said things like: "Now, how the hell can someone develop instant pneumnonia? It usually takes time for alveolar walls to become inflamed." Or they say things like, "It should be called 'aspiration' not 'aspiration pneumonia'"

We in the medical community know better! We understand that unwanted fluid in the lungs from aspiration is "automatic" and "instant" pneumonia. Sure, there may be no inflammation right away. But, still, the aspirated contents fill alveoli meeting our definition of pneumonia. 

Besides, a consensus of doctors agrees with this author. And therefore it must be true. 

Also, insurance people love pneumonia and are willing to fully reimburse hospitals for pneumonia. So, adding the term "pneumonia" to the term "aspiration" shall guarantee the highest reimbursement potential for your patients admission.