The Four Types of Pneumonia

A 1930 edition of the Real Physician's Creed.
It's now so huge it's non-photogenic.

In medical school, most physicians learn from the Real Physician's Creed, which by now is about 300,000 pages and still growing. I only found out about it because one physician is a friend of mine who used to be a respiratory therapist. But he is now retired, so he has given me permission to release some of the contents thereof.

On page 304,403, of edition 4,432, is a note describing the three types of pneumonia.  Listed they are as follows:

1.  Walking Pneumonia:  Don't have it but something must be ordered to make everyone happy.  

2.  Pneumonia.  They really have it and you can see it on the x-ray and everything.  Or, as noted, sometimes you can hear it via crackles before you can see it on x-ray.  Or, the white blood count is elevated, indicating there is an infection somewhere so it might be pneumonia.  It is generally lobal and caused by a bacteria. Treatment is antibioitic to treat the infection and systemic corticosteroids to treat the inflammation.  However, you may also treat it with ventolin because one study showed it enhances sputum production which, uh, somehow is twisted into making some doctors think it... well, it does help, errr, bring up the pneumonia... IT JUST DOES!!!

3.  Faux-pneumonia.  The patient doesn't have it, but you need a better diagnosis than walking pneumonia in order so that the patient may meet criteria.  You can see it on the x-ray only if you have the superior vision abilities only taught in medical school, which can be found on page 3,133 of the Creed.  (I at present do not have a copy of that page, as this part of the book I have has been destroyed by too many coffee stains).

4.  Double Pneumonia.  They have twice as much pneumonia than the average person who actually has a diagnosis of pneumonia, which some call real pneumonia as compared with faux pneumonia.  It is generally caused by a virus and is deadlier than regular pneumonia.  Treatment is to hit it with everything, including systemic corticosteroids to treat inflammation, antibiotic to treat the infection, ventolin to help the patient cough up the pneumonia, and anything else you feel like throwing at it. Usually it involves treating the symptoms.  Treatment is generally supportive.

Further reading:

1. The real physician's creed
2. 999 types of ventolin