Study: Secondhand albuterol linked with side effects

A new report published in the Journal of the Respiratory Creed suggests that second hand albuterol has side effects that may include grumpiness, apathy, burnout, a dry sense of humor, increased wisdom, and the ability to differentiate pneumonia and heart failure from bronchospasm without even seeing the patient.

Researchers followed 1,600 newly graduated respiratory therapists over a period of ten years between July 7, 2002 and July 14, 2012.  Six hundred sixty of the therapists gave an average of 10 albuterol breathing treatments in a given day.  A control group of 720 therapists was given a placebo to give to their patients.  But they were told to just sit in the RT Cave and watch movies on Netflix or play on their iPhones.  Six hundred twenty therapists were disqualified for already having been diagnosed with respiratory therapy apathy syndrome (RATS).

The results showed that 100% of the therapists who gave albuterol breathing treatments developed the symptoms, with 75% experiencing increased incite within the first year doling out treatments (a minimum of 36 hour work week was required of all participants), and 82.5% developing a dry sense of humor within the first eight months.

Level of IQ was tested using a typical IQ scale, although adjusted for respiratory therapy wisdom.  A typical question might entail, "Is heart failure treated with Ventolin?"  Members of the control group were too bound to their fantasy world's to have time to answer the question.  Members of the non-control group all answered the question correctly, with one scratching a comment in the margins of the test (taken on paper because because), "Are you kidding me!  Of course not."

The study was the first ever study to study the study abilities of respiratory therapists and the possible impact that ventolin may have on their demeanor.

"It was just amazing the results that we discovered by doing this simple scientific study," said Dr. Carl Olin of Westbrook University where the study was conducted.  "Who ever would have thought that people with only an associate's degree could actually know more about respiratory therapy than physicians?"

Cal Tripper, Medical Director of Respiratory Therapy at Buterol University, said, "It has been observed for years that respiratory therapists display a unique wisdom, particularly regarding respiratory therapy, although it was tough to put a finger on the reason before this study.  I highly recommend to other physicians to talk to a respiratory therapist, ask them if they have an opinion or a recommendation, the next time a patient has respiratory complications.  The truth to the matter is, even though they only have associate's degrees, they may actually know more than we do about how to manage respiratory therapy.  And it's all because of second hand albuterol."