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Thursday, June 25, 2009

The way to succeed is to stroke egos

My son came to me lately and told me that Obama hypnotised America into voting for him. He even took me to the computer and showed me an array of websites and commercials on UTube dedicated to trying to convince America that this is true.

So my son googled (with my permission of course) the hypnotic methods Obama supposedly used, and he started studying them. So now, as a joke more than anything, whenever my son wants me to do something, he uses the technique he learned. Well, of course they never work on me.

Later I explained to my son that if you really want people to do the things you want, if you really want to succeed in life, you should read a book like "How to Have Confidence and Power in Dealing with People," by Les Giblon. Sure it's the kind of self help book he hates to read, but it would provide tips to succeed, or to get your way in life, that are far better than through hypnotism -- which only a few can master (if it works at all).

In this book Giblin explains that the way to succeed in life in today's world is to build up the ego of the other person. He says this works because, no matter or not we as humans want to admit this, the most important person in your life is YOU. And YOU have an ego whether you want to admit it or not. And YOU love it when someone strokes your ego. In other words, all we humans have an innate desire for acceptance.

he writes that all people who succeed, all poeple who are great sales people, all are very good at stroking the egos of other people. He says it is not their great speaking ability that makes these people successful, it is their ability to stroke egos.

Thus, if you want to deal with people, you should remember the following:

  1. We are all egoists
  2. We are all more interested in ourselves than in anything else in the world.
  3. Every person you meet wants to feel important, and to 'amount to something'
  4. There is a craving in every human being for the approval of others, so that he can approve of himself.
And, he says that people who are quiet, reserved or shy must use this "communicaiton" skill to succeed as well.

He gives one great examle. Say you walk into a hotel on the 4th of July, and the desk clerk says the hotel is full. Instead of being irritated with the desk clerk and telling him he is a bumbling idiot, you should say something like, "I know your hotel is full, but I bet if there is anyone in the world who can find me a room tonight it is you."

Giblin writes that it is this type of skill that is responsible for people succeedin in life in the year 2009, as opposed to technical wisdom. You can be the smartest RT when it comes to how to work a ventilator and how to draw blood or give a breathing treatment, but it is your ability to communicate that will make you successful.

He writes that the people who have the greatest success in life are not the "people you know with the most brains... (but) those who 'have a way' with other people."

He writes, "There are millions of people today who are self-conscious, shy, timid, ill at ease in social situations, who feel inferior and never realize that their real problem is a human relations problem. It never seems to get across to them that their failure as a personality is really a failure in learning to deal successfully with other poeple."

Yet there are people on the opposite end of the spectrum, those who are "bossy." They wonder why no one listens to them, and their employees don't appreciate them, or cooperate with their wishes, and why they always hve to "force people into line.... they force cooperation... force people to cooperate with them. They cannot force other people to like them, and they never really get what they want because they have never mastered the art of dealing with other people."

Some people claim that this "choleric" person is too confident, and so they try to put this person in his or her place. The truth is, Giblin writes, is that this person lacks confidence. And this lack of confidence results in him causing trouble for other people. Thus, as he writes, a "low self esteem causes friction and trouble."

Thus, the best way of dealing with trouble makers is to help him like himself better. You need to feed his ego. You need to make him feel better about himself. And, in return, he will treat you better than he treats any one else.

Give that person a reason to like you. Give him a personal reason to give you what you want. You do not need to be a talkative person to get what you want from people and to succeed in life. Al you need is the skill of stroking egos.

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