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Thursday, February 8, 2007

Physician Lexicon

Types of Physicians:

1. Gallant Physician: This doctor knows how to take care of your asthma the right way. He keeps up to date on asthma wisdom, and goes out of his way to make sure you are well educated and on all the best medicines for you. He also works with you on a good Asthma Action Plan, and makes sure you feel comfortable knowing you can call him at any time. He also makes sure you schedule an appointment to see him every six months. Asthmatics who see Gallant doctors have the best chance of having well-controlled asthma. Thankfully, a majority of asthma doctors are this type.

2. Goofus Physician: Whatever he learned in school umpteen years ago is exactly what he uses to care for you today. He's either too busy, lazy or sometimes simply too arrogant to stay up-to-date on the latest asthma wisdom. He will allow you to walk out of his office with only a rescue inhaler. Asthmatics who have Goofus doctors are Poor Patient Asthmatics who have a tendency to make unscheduled office visits, or trips to the ER, and are often mistaken as Goofus Asthmatics.

3. Strong, Silent Type Physician: She never gets excited, and has a ho hum or gloomy disposition. She often has a finger on her forehead and says, "Hmmm, I wonder..." She is well kempt, organized, jots a lot of notes and knows her stuff. She is very quiet and doesn't like to participate in small talk, but when it comes to asthma or your health she'll talk fluently. She'll assess you thoroughly while remaining taciturn. You might be intimidated by the silence, but she doesn't mean for you to feel uncomfortable. She's very friendly and polite, but also straightforward. She may also ask for your opinion, which may have you wondering if she knows what she's talking about. However, her intention is to involve you in the decision making. She will make sure you are well prepared and cared for upon leaving her office, but once she finishes the job, she will up and leave without shaking your hand or saying good-bye. While she's socially gauche with poor bedside manners, if you like a knowledgeable doc, she's the one for you.

4. Big-Hearted Bully Physician: Although he has the bedside manner of a rock and refuses to participate in small talk, he might simply be the best doctor in the world. He is focused and the key for you is to put up with his bluntness and his seeming arrogance. He does not go into detail as he expects you to do your own homework. He usually answers questions with one or two words and, sometimes, he simply grunts. If you annoy him with your petty questions, he'll grimace and moan. If you try to make suggestions, he'll intimidate you with his stare. Yes, you will get a thorough workup and he will take good care of you. If you call him with an asthma concern, he will go out of his way to meet you at the office. He's the only doctor type who will never write a prescription without seeing you first. His decisiveness and stubbornness may impress you, or it may vex you. Overall, if you are the kind of patient who likes a doctor to take control, he's your doc.

5. Columbo Physician: She has a very friendly, nonchalant disposition and quite often has ruffled hair, with an overall disheveled disposition like the 1970s TV detective Columbo (collars up, tie crooked, spot of jelly on white lab coat). When things go wrong she scratches her head with an unreadable expression. She'll slouch in her chair with her legs crossed. She's been known to say things like, "Well, what do you suggest we do today?" Or, "What medicines would you like to try?" When you call her, she's the doc who asks, "Do you think you should come in to see me?" Or, if she meets you in the ER, she may ask, "Do you think you should be admitted?" After a while, you wonder if you are the doctor or if she is. On the other hand, if you are the kind of patient who likes to have more control, this might be the ideal doctor for you.

6. Buddy Physician: He's the doctor who is often late for your appointments. Even though your irritation level reaches its peak, when he finally does arrive, he cracks a joke you can't help laughing at. He's an amazingly happy person and has a knack for telling stories, especially when you are in an inconvenient position (like on the colonoscopy table, or with your mouth stuffed in the dentist chair). He has a positive disposition and can get you excited even about diseases you might have -- like asthma. He often downplays severity by saying things like, "Oh, you'll be fine," or, "I wouldn't worry about it if I were you." You might catch him saying something goofy like, "Well, today we're going to come up with the perfect concoction to fix you." Yet, if you can tolerate his sunny disposition, you'll participate in an awesome discussion unrelated to asthma. You may actually leave the office feeling like you learned more about his life than about asthma. Despite his quirks, you know he's taking great care of your asthma. So, if you like a friendly, upbeat person, he's your doc.

7. Poor Bedside Manner: Physicians that are so rapt in the duty at hand that they ultimately forget they are working on a person and have poor personal skills at the bedside. Actually, the reason this happens is because they are brilliant doctors in their field, yet they fail to realize the patient (who may be brilliant in his own craft) is not brilliant at what the doctor does. Thus, the doctor has trouble comprehending that. For this reason, the physician develops poor bedside manner.

8. Omniscient Doctors: Doctors that regularly work in your who may have lectured many of us RTs and RNs that we are not to give anything without an order: protocol or no protocol. They are all knowing doctors, who know exactly what to do in any circumstance. They are trained to know all. Even if treatment is indicated that would benefit the patient, you are not to do it until you receive the order, even if you have to wait and make the patient suffer. It's even worse when the patient knows what he needs and still I can't do anything. Common sense is not an issue with these doctors. Most of these physicians tend to be goofus doctors in this regard, although they may actually be brilliant in their field and are actually gallant doctors. One thing about these doctors to note is they may be very personable, yet they will not hesitate to lecture you if you don't do things exactly the way they want.

9. Common Sense Doctors: These doctors are known to say things like, "Just use your common sense. If you think something is needed, go ahead and do it. Just tell me what you did and I'll write the order. However, if you have concerns, don't hesitate to call on me at any time." These doctors love RT Driven Protocols (See RT lexicon)

10. Albuteholic physicians: (1)Doctors who are addicted to ordering bronchodilator breathing treatments on all patients with annoying lung sounds irregardless of whether they are caused by bronchospasm. (2) Doctors who treat all lung illnesses as asthma and order bronchodilators. (3) Doctors who disrespect the laws of science and try to solve all illnesses with bronchodilators. 4) Doctors who must be thinking, "Well, we have to make the patient feel we are doing something, so let's order a breathing treatment." 5) Doctors who must be thinking, "Well, ge gotta do something."

11. Physician Inconsistancy: Occurs when physicians who apparently went to the same accredited medical schools have opposing opinions about facts. Some examples include: one doctor prefers Xopenex, another Duoneb and another Albuterol. Some doctors order bronchodilators for their scientifically proven purpose of bronchodilating, while others order them for fallacious reasons. In many ways, there are many inconsistancies in the medical field, and it can often be frustrating for those of us who like to do things for scientifially proven reasons rather than simple good intentions.

12. Good intentions: Doing something because it makes you feel good inside as opposed to having scientifically or historically proven reasoning.

13.  The Real Physician's Creed:

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