New Ventolin prolongs life -- forever!!

The really cool think about Ventolin is it is a medicine invented to make life better for asthmatics. The unfortunate thing about Ventolin is it has made life better for doctors too -- they no longer need to think.

When an asthmatic is having trouble breathing, two puffs of Ventolin is usually all he needs to get back on his feet.

Most doctors will openly admit now that Ventolin is so safe an asthmatic cannot over use the medicine. So they've taken this to the extremes and come up with uses for it the inventors never would have imagined.

What's great for doctors works to the detriment of the patients who have to be awanened during the night several times for a treatment they don't need. Likewise, when they do need an RT, he is usually doing a Ventolin treatment somwhere else and is not available.

But that doesn't matter, so long as the doctor doesn't have to be bothered with actually having to come in and assess the patient. Nope! All he has to do is order up a dose of an 'olin and he's back to catching more z's.

You can check out the "Real Physician's Creed" list of 'olins at the bottom of my blog if you want to know what I'm referring to here . Doctors have learned that instead of assessing a SOB patient all they have to do is order Ventolin.

There is some property in this miracle drug (or holy water or miracle potion or scrubbin-bubbles) that will in some way miraculously make the patient better -- hence the common alias for Ventolin: All-better'ol.

Today, however, yet another usage of Ventolin was discovered by a highly intelligent doctor here at Shoreline Medical. Dr. Howard Schwartz, MD, has discovered KeepMeAlive'olin.

This is a med that has an Atropine, Epinepherine base in it that keeps the heart beating... beating... beating. It also has a Ventolin base that keeps the patient breathing... breathing... breathing.

Pretty neat hey. I have a patient right now on Q4 KMA'olin. He is a frequent visitor from a nearby nursing home who has no signs of respiratory distress right now but has has pneumonia. He was diagnosed with MS 40 years ago and has been in a nursing home that long.

He is bored with life, but no matter how sick he is he just keeps-on-a-living. Recently he had a near death episode where everyone though he might die, but he is still with us. Yet, at the nursing home, in the ER and now every four hours on the floor, he is getting Ventolin treatments, yet has no signs of bronchospasm, no history of smoking, and no asthma.

Upon further review of this case, Dr. Schwartz proclaimed, "It's the Ventolin, Stupid! It's the Ventolin that's keeping this guy alive!"

That's right. He is currently in the process of writing a paper on the life-prolonging qualities of Ventolin. Yet you have heard it hear first.

So, there you have it. Saved from the responsibility of assessing, Dr's can catch up on their sleep. Or, as in the case of Dr. Swwartz, have the needed time to come up with innovative uses for the miracle medicine of new -- Ventolin.