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Sunday, March 16, 2014

Fullmonary Therapy

I'm sure you guys have heard of fullmonary therapy.  It's when a patient produces excessive phlegm, and the patient makes that gurgling noise that nurses and physicians find so annoying.  They order fullmonary therapy.

Here is the medical definition of fullmonary therapy per the real physician's creed:
  • Fulmonary therapy:  Mucomyst BID and CPT QID because the patient is full of secretions and you don't know what else to do.  
Ventolin is usually ordered as the conjunct therapy to keep the air passages open (air passages that are probably already open), although we would like to recommend fullmoterol brand fenoterol.  

Usually when such a therapy is ordered, the RT will go on a rant like this:
The patient's large airways are already full of shit, and now you want to create more shit.  This patient already has a week cough, if this is one of the few times times the medicine actually works, he'll drown.
Silly RT rants, hey? If the patient is full, it only makes sense to order fullmonary therapy.  Besides, it sounds like a good idea, and it's fully recommended by the authors of the real physician's creed.

  • Buterol, Al, M.D., Ven Tolin, O.D., "The Real Physician's Creed," 75th edition, volume II, New York, London, MentoCase publishing, page 238

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