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Saturday, November 26, 2011

Things only an RT would say

I just finished giving the lady's mom a breathing treatment when she said, smiling, "So you just gave that so my mom meets criteria, right?"

I said, "You have GOT to be a respiratory therapist."

"I am," she confirmed.

Some things only an RT would say, and that's one of them. Here are some other things only an RT would say:
  1. I have the ABGies
  2. That breathing treatment's not needed
  3. Now that the patient has allbetterol in his system he's good to go
  4. The hypoxic drive theory is a hoax
  5. Xopenex is the same as Albuterol
  6. Bronchodilator abuse
  7. All that wheezes is not asthma
  8. All shortness (dyspnea) of breath is not asthma
  9. The only reason the treatment helped that patient with dyspnea was the oxygen boost
  10. I only work so I can have days off
  11. I'm not smart enough to be an RT (or maybe I'm smart enough not to be an RN)
  12. I love being an RT
  13. I hate being an RT
  14. That patient does not need suctioning
  15. Suctioning an awake and alert patient is unethical
  16. Most of what we do is a waste of time or delays time
  17. You don't intubate a number
  18. Q4ever treatments
  19. Doctors don't wean on weekends or after office hours
  20. Oxygen does not treat anemia
  21. Breathing treatments do not cure rickets
  22. Ventolin is like scrubbin bubble therapy.  Doctors think it gets deep into the lung and scrubs them clear of all lung ailments.
  23. Doctors think Ventolin prevents everything from asthma to rickets, from atelectasis to pneumonia
  24. Ventolin does not even get deep enough in the lungs to treat pneumonia
  25. There's no smooth muscle and no beta receptors in the alveoli
  26. Are you short of breath?
  27. Let me listen to your lungsounds
  28. Let me get you a stool, a fan and a table to lean on
  29. I walked 20 miles at work today
  30. You want a what...!!!
  31. The patient had no history of short of breath, has no lung disease, doesn't smoke, has clear lungsounds, a normal x-ray, and yet I had to give a treatment anyway
  32. I can't find (feel) a pulse
  33. Take in a deep breath... and blow, blow, blow, blow.....
  34. This EKG will be quick and easy.... unless you're a hairy man, then it'll be painful
  35. If you need me I'll be in the waiting room watching TV

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