Wednesday, March 25, 2009

The smartest doctors in the world

I have to tell you guys something about the doctors here at Shoreline Medical Center. It's esoteric information. I'm not supposed to be privy to it, but I am. And, because I am aware of it, I feel it is my duty to share this wisdom.

Look, of course my fellow RTs are familiar with the term "treatment jockey." That's where we go room to room giving breathing treatments to the patients ordered on treatments.

Sounds easy hey? Well, the job opening a vial of medicine and pouring it into a nebulizer is quite simple. Often times socializing with patients is fun too. Yet, when the patient is grumpy or disorientated, it can be interesting to say the least.

Oh, and then you have the occasional labored patient who presents a worry, and forces us to do some critical thinking. Those are the cases that make the job fun.

I guess you can say we RTs here at Shoreline are simple "treatment jockeys." We get grumpy on occasion, or make frivolous whit here at the RT cave, because we get irritated at doing breathing treatments on patients who simply do not need them.

However, I digress. I have learned here that there is a reason that only 3 of the 14 patients on every four hour (q4) breathing treatments have an indication for the treatments. The reason is as follows:

You see. In order for a physician to be accepted to work at Shoreline he or she has to pass an IQ test. He or she must score no less than a 200. That explains why the administration here at Shoreline have trouble attracting doctors here.

There's an old saying: What do you call a doctor who got the lowest score on his medical exam?

The answer:

Doctor.

Well, those doctors are NEVER hired here at Shoreline. We only hire the best of the best; The creme de la creme to say the least.

Those inferior hospitals down state in Grand Rapids and Ann Arbor, Michigan, are just that: inferior. They have trouble recrouting the cream of the crop doctors, and so they have to resort to innovative techniques such as protocols that allow RTs the opportunity to think.

That type of inferiority would never happen at Shoreline Medical. Our "brilliant" doctors never allow us to give a treatment when "WE" think they are indicated, because they KNOW when a patient is going to be SOB and have us give the treatment BEFORE that time.

That's why we often have discussions like this with our patients:

"Are you short of breath?" The RT asked.

"Well," said the patient, "I feel fine, but the doctor said I need a treatment."

Or this:

"Isn't an Albuterol treatment supposed to last four hours? Isn't that how often you should get one?"

The RT said, "Ideally the med should last 4-6 hours. However, every patient is different. For some patients the med lasts only one or two hours when they are sick enough. Most patients, however, get one treatment and then they don't need another one for several hours or even days."

"So why did my doctor order my treatments every four hours?"

"Good question," the RT said, scrapping his brain for a good answer. "I think most doctors order out of habit."

RTs who think this way get frustrated easily. They resort to frivolous humor or sniveling on blogs like the RT Cave.

The truth, however, is our doctors don't have to resort to unwise tactics of having RTs assess a patient because THEY KNOW EXACTLY WHEN A PATIENT IS GONIG TO BE SOB.

It's awesome actually. The doctors here at Shoreline know exactly when a patient is going to be short of breath and they have us give a treatment BEFORE the shortness of breath happens. It's called prophylactic therapy.

Yep, most of what we do is prophylactic therapy. Our doctors -- the smartest in the world -- order Q4 or Q6 treatments on all our respiratory patients because they just know.

It kind of goes like this old saying: lovers think, priests believe, philosophers think: Doctors here at Shoreline Medical Center know.

Hush. Don't tell anyone I told you this.

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