A friend of mine from Orlando, Florida, recently shared a story about a doctor about his discovery of a new super strength Ventolin with a duo purpose. It's a medicine that the infamous Dr. Q1 would appreciate.
My friend described an 88-year-old patient who presented in high fowlers in respiratory distress. Upon auscultation he learned the patient's lung sounds were raspy with an upper airway wheeze. There was minimal air movement. He also had a productive cough with thick yellow and greenish sputum.
The doctor initially ordered one breathing treatment. My friend said this made sense to him, especially considering I shared with him my copy of the real physicians creed. When the treatment was finished the patient indicated no effect, and the post treatment assessment concurred.
His initial impression was CHF or pneumonia, however no tests had been performed at this time. He said he then walked up to the doctor and said, "So, Dr. Fakename, are you thinking this is bronchospasm and want another treatment, or are you thinking it's something else."
"Oh," she said, "I'm thinking he has a combination of CHF and pneumonia. Why don't you go ahead and give another treatment."
My friend said she was perplexed, and wanted to know if I had an explanation as to why this doctor would order breathing treatments when she knew it was not asthma, nor COPD, nor any other disease that caused bronchospasm.
I wrote back to my friend that the new version of the real physician's creed has some new ventolin types that we RTs are not privy to yet, and they are a combination of Absorbolin, Osmosolin and Pneumonuterol. These medicines have properties that absorb both fluid in the lungs and the alveolar sacks via magic osmosis process.
The new medicine, a combination medicine, is mixed with Duoneb and is called DuoAbsorboOsmosoPneumobuterol.
I recently asked a my undercover doctor friend, who so happens to be one of the hundred or so editors for the creed, if he had any further information about this medicine.
He said that name was too much of a tongue twister in recent fake studies, and doctors were unable to say it. So the name was changed to DOAPuterol.
It's a new magic mist that can be used for nearly all lung complications, all irritating lung sounds, and has relatively no side effects. Like the above mentioned drugs, no change in lung sounds and no change in respiratory status is normal.
So check out my new list of 'olins.