I was called to a patient's room to give a breathing treatment. Four hours earlier I had given a treatment to this patient, and observed agonal breathing with long periods of apnea. The patient was obtunded. The patient was also a DNR patient (do not resuscitate).
I was already grumbling under my breath as I approached the nurses station, and hoped that I could prevent myself from stating my opinion verbally.
"You guys called for a treatment?" I said as I approached the nurse's station. Three nurses looked up from their respective computers and squinted at me.
"Yes," one of the nurses said. "We need a treatment on Mrs. Millen in 212-2."
You mean you WANT a treatment, I thought. This patient never needed any of my services. "Is the patient having bronchospasms?"
"I'm not sure," she said as she hopped out of her chair.
"Then why do you think she needs a treatment?" Why did I just ask that? I'm only asking for trouble.
"THE PATIENT ISN'T BREATHING," she wailed. "SHE NEEDS TO BREATHE."
"It ain't gonna make her breathe," I mumbled ruefully under my breath as I walked away from the station toward the room. I looked back at the station and couldn't determine by the nurses actions whether or not she heard me. The other two nurses still hadn't budged.
Wow! It's an Albuterol epiphany. Not only does this medicine resolve bronchospasms, it also works to actually cause a person to take in a normal inspiration.
Voila. We have a new 'olin. What should we call it? Ventilatolin (not to be confused with Ventilatorolin). If you need the isomer version, then we have Breathonex.
My coworker prefers to call it Itstolateolin. That works too.