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Friday, September 11, 2015

New Bronchowatch to set frequency of bronchodilators

From the inventors of the famous Wheezoscope, Telekinoscope and the GPSoscope comes an amazing new invention called the Bronchowatch.

The watch consists of a telekinoscopic fluxometer incorporated with the newly patented flux capacitor fire HD that sends electomagnetic waves across a wrinkle in time to each 30 minute increment from the time the little black button to the right of the watch is pushed until the patient is discharged.

In this way, the watch will let physicians know exactly when a patient will be short of breath so they no longer have to just guess.

A study of 4 patients with COPD,  1 with asthma, 2 with cystic fibrosis, and 1 with generic respiratory distress, revealed that the Bronchowatch was 100% accurate in predicting when shortness of breath will occur.

The watch shows the doctor if treatments should be ordered Q30, Q1, Q2, Q3, or Q4.  If dyspneic periods are not found during a scope of the next four days, the watch will automatically check for any other possible indications for a bronchodilator, such as:
  1. Patient develops pulmonary edema
  2. Patient develops rancid smelling farts or shits (in which case the treatment will be scheduled as to make sure it is still going when the smelly flatuence occurs)
  3. Patient is about to become unruly, and the nurse will require assistance
  4. Patient gets dyspneic due to exertion
  5. Patient gets lonely or depressed (in which circumstance Palbuterol will be indicated)
If no such instances are found, Augur Lungs, the manufacturer of the Bronchowatch, recommend albuterol be scheduled BID, TID, and QID in order to prevent those frequencies from feeling left out.  This will assure that adequate secretion enhancement and clearance takes place for these patients. 

"I used to wonder how emergency room doctors could order albuterol Q30 minutes until discharge even before the ambulance arrived," said Jared Smart, an LRT at Jefferson Medical Center.  "I would get irritated and grumpy.  Then I saw a doctor with this cool watch and a light came on. He explained to me what it did. Now I get happy when he orders treatments because I know they are needed... or at least I know they will be needed."

The watch will be tested on two more patients. Upon completion of the study, the Bronchowatch will be made readily available right here at the RT Cave. 

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